I got off the T this morning thinking, I need to stop by the Bostonian Tailor and ask if he'll give me a discount on the leather pants he's altering.
No, that's silly. We already agreed to the price.
Ask anyway.
I opened the door. A little bell jingled my arrival. The tailor was sitting at his sewing machine.
“I know we've already agreed on a price, but I'm trying to practice negotiating,” I said. “Will you give me a 10% discount?”
He laughingly, but warmly, wondered, “Why 10%?”
“Arbitrary,” I answered.
“A 10% discount will make me neither rich, nor poor, and it will give you joy. There is more to life than money. Yes.”
He made a notation and we were done.
I struggle to ask for what I want. Perhaps you do too. Today I practiced. If I can ask for a discount, then I am one step closer to asking for a piece of my dream.
What will you ask for?
Oh, and in case you're wondering — I will most definitely go back to this tailor.
For more on asking and negotiating, click here.
And the joys just keep on coming, don’t they? You inspire me.
Wonderful!
Sometimes I feel it takes me so long to get to my asking, that I blast instead of ask…list 50 different reasons something should–no, MUST–happen, have convinced myself of my value or the absolute righteousness in my request, etc. Something I constantly work on: asking before NEEDING.
Oh Whitney, you’re awesome.
Great post, Whitney, as is the one you did about Brene Brown.
You wrote there about surgery you had, and how it made you feel to be helped by people. You also wrote about letting people see our imperfect selves.
Asking for and receiving help from others is something I’m doing a lot of lately. It’s all new for me, I suppose, because I fancy myself as very capable and independent. But I had some surgery too a week or so ago. Nothing life threatening, but I’m on crutches now, and will be for many months. So I have to ask for help to get things done – even the simplest things.
And what a lot I’m learning from the experience. I’m finding out that people love to help, and how good it feels to be helped, and how connected and good we can all feel in the process- as a general matter, not just when someone is hurt or sick.
A few weeks before my surgery, I was coming out of the subway at the same time as a blind man. I asked him if he needed help, and he said yes. So I helped him to the top of the stairs. At that point he asked me if I had time to help him find his way to the office building he was going to. It was about a 10 minute walk, and I helped him, and we had a nice talk on the way. I realized later on that it had been the nicest 10 minutes of the day for me, and perhaps for him too.
Then, just today, I had to get out of the cab I was in because the street we needed to turn on was closed to traffic. It was a problem, because I had 2 long blocks to go, it was raining, and, as I’ve said, I’m on crutches (so I can’t hold an umbrella). Just then, out of the blue came a nice man with an umbrella who offered to walk me to where I was going. And he did. And we had a nice chat. And it felt good.
Which brings to mind the “karma wheel” Christine Koh talked about at Pivot Boston http://bit.ly/qJTcr5
We surely can do more good together than we can on our own. Asking for help, and helping when we’re asked, seem like very good ways to get things started that might not start on their own.
Again, nice post. Thanks.
I felt unconfortable reading the post, sign that I need to do more asking for what I want!
Love the Karma wheel reference, Susan.
I’m currently coaching one of my best friends in negotiating the terms of her next job. She hates asking for things even though objectively she knows she deserves them. To top it off, she is a litigator (like me). Even those of us who negotiate for a living can cringe when it comes time to asking for ourselves. I give you a lot of credit for practicing and getting outside your comfort zone!
Thank you all for your insightful comments — always enriched!