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When I suggest to my friends that they carve out a few hours, even minutes, a day to pursue their dream, sometimes I hear, “I just wouldn't feel right about taking time away from my home and family.”

However, as we talk further, more often than not, I find that my friends do, in fact, spend decent chunks of time away from home volunteering at school and/or church and/or in the community.

Hmmm, I wonder.

Why is it that we feel comfortable, even good, about spending many hours/week (10+?) doing some type of volunteer work, which we may like, but don't love? But we would feel terribly uncomfortable, even bad, about allocating 2-3 hours/week to pursue a dream?

Is it because women are only feminine when we are doing something for someone else?

If so, then we are back to the double bind. Because when we are pursuing a dream, it's not for someone else, but for us: if we happen to get paid for that dream, then we're in for double the discomfort.

But if we don't pursue our dream, we can become desperate, if not depressed.

So may I make two suggestions?

1. Re-read the myth of Psyche. Remember that by saying “no” to others for just a moment, Psyche and we say yes to our self — as well as to others.

2. If you're still feeling squeamish, go back and read Throw down your pom-poms.

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