A 21st Century Country Bunny

I recently re-discovered The Country Bunny and The Little Gold Shoes, a book my friend Kathleen introduced to me several years ago.

The Country Bunny illustrates the feminine hero's journey: we observe the protagonist learning to prioritize, delegate, say no, and to get things done.

I'll comment on just a few phrases:

1)  “Some day I shall grow up to be an Easter Bunny: — you wait and see!”

All little girls have an ‘I'dentity — they know they are the archetypal Rachel.  But then many of us forget. The Country Bunny doesn't. 

Country bunny little red henPhoto courtesy:   The Little Red Hen

2)  “By and by she had a husband and then one day…there were twenty-one Cottontail babies to take care of.”

Do you recall that Psyche's 1st Task, the prototypical story of feminine psychological development, is to Sort the Seeds.  To become the hero of her story, the Country Bunny must (as must we) learn to sort through the seeds of possibilities in the face of conflicting feelings and competing loyalties.  She wanted to be the Easter Bunny and to marry and to have bunnies.  We make choices, and then we get to honor our choices.

3)  “And one day, when her children stopped being babies and were little girl and boy bunnies, she called them to her and said, “Now we are going to have some fun.”

Psyche's 3rd Task is to Fill the Flask during which she learns to delegate and to achieve goals against tough odds.  We too must learn to delegate, whether at home or in the workplace if we are to become the hero of our story.

Psyche's 4th Task is to Obtain a Box of Beauty Ointment, which requires her to learn to say no.  In delegating to our children, our spouses, to those who work for us, it may feel like we are saying ‘no' to them (so that we can say selfishly ‘yes' to our selves), but aren't we really saying ‘yes' to those in our tutelage when we delegate?

Look at how competent and capable the Country Bunny's children are!  And what CEO wouldn't want her/his corporation to run as smoothly as does Country Bunny Inc?

The Little Red Hen photo

Photo courtesy:  The Little Red Hen

4)  “You have proved yourself to be not only wise and kind, and swift, but also very clever.  Come to the Palace tomorrow afternoon, and you shall be my fifth Easter Bunny.”

Psyche's task of Gathering the Fleece teaches her to gets things done in a way that gives life to and revitalizes others.   She is innately wise and kind (deeply connected to those she loves) AND she is swift and clever (connected to her self).

If we are already swift and clever, have we learned to be wise and kind (I digress for this is probably the masculine journey…)?

SOOO…to those of you who are wise and kind, and the ones of you I know — indeed are!  Are you also becoming swift and clever?

Learning to connect to others and to self – to honor ‘you' and ‘I'.


Yes and no.

This is our hero's journey.

I am so happy to have re-discovered this book.

Will you go and buy it — and share with us your insights?

Living the dream. Life’s a breeze. (Not.)

During a particularly challenging week at work, I happened upon an article by Robert S. Kaplan titled Reaching your Potential which offered up the teaser, “maybe you feel frustrated with your career–convinced you should be achieving more. You may even wish you had chosen a different career altogether.”

I was definitely frustrated, and even discouraged, but did I wish I had chosen a different path?

Not really.

As I reflected on Kaplan's article, I realized that I'm right where I want to be.

In sharing this insight with one of my friends, she kindly, but pointedly asked,

“Did you really think that living your dream isn't challenging, discouraging, and difficult?”

To which I sheepishly replied, “No.”

The truth is there's a pretty large shred of me which believes that in living my dream, life will be breezy.

This isn't, and can't be, true — am I the only one who wants it to be?

Do you remember Psyche's 3rd task?

The task that requires her to fill a flask with water from a raging river alongside a craggy cliff, a task which is a metaphor for our learning to accomplish goals against inevitable distractions and tough odds.

This image is copyrighted by Mallika Sundaramurthy and Whitney Johnson, 2008.

Would it be accurate to say that Psyche didn't choose to be on the hero's journey? That she wasn't precisely where she wanted and needed to be? That she didn't want to accomplish her goal?

No, no and no.

But it was difficult.

It is for us too.

After one of your tough days, do you find yourself wondering if you really are living your dream? If you're not — then that is another conversation. If you are, do you ask why things aren't easier? Why do you think we believe this?

Did you notice how Psyche delegated the task of filling the flask to the eagle? As we are dreaming, whether our dream involves full-time mothering, full-time careering, or some amalgam of the two, what tasks can we delegate?

Or if you were to interview Rebecca Nielsen, the mother of young twin daughters, who recently wrote about Rightsizing our dream, what will she say? Easy? Hard? Both?


Fielding a ‘Dare to Dream’ Team

We don't get our dreams done on our own.

We weren't meant to.

Which is why we need ‘dare to dream' teams.

Like my ‘dare to dream' creative team.

Brandon Jameson — Brandon Jameson designed the logo and banner for ‘dare to dream', everything Know Your Neighbor and my personal stationery. Brandon's design work visually captures what I try to convey in words.

LaNola Kathleen Stone — In the first three issues of Organize Magazine, you saw Kathleen's images, as well as her work as Creative Director. Through her photography Kathleen captures the magnificence of people and places.

All rights reserved. LaNola Kathleen Stone, 2008.

Mallika Sundaramurthy — Several years ago, Mallika brought a story I'd written to life through her painting; her latest feat is the myth of Psyche.

All images are copyright by Mallika Sundaramurthy and Whitney Johnson, 2008. 

As I analyze the dynamic of my relationship with this creative ‘dream team', there seem to be some broadly applicable observations:

1. Start with short-term projects — If you intend to start a business or non-profit, before expanding the scope of the relationship, work on a short-term project first, such as a benefit for the community or your children's school.

Lamentably, I don't always do this. Either because I'm too relationship-centered and/or overly excited about someone's dream, I sometimes impetuously move into a major project, without vetting my partner(s) and they me, only to find out later we can't work together: we have different timetables, different visions, different views on the give vs. get. That's when things become dicey. Take it from a sadder, poorer, but wiser girl.

2. Trust our collaborators' competence — Once we've worked on a few limited scope projects and have fully worked out rules of engagement, it's important to trust our collaborators. If we're micro-managing, perhaps we just need to stop micro-managing. Or maybe we didn't pick our partners as well as we thought we did.

D2d_logotransFor example, after I broad-stroked for Brandon what I wanted for the ‘dare to dream' logo, he came back with something completely different which I didn't like. But because I'd loved his previous work, I was willing to ‘live' with his vision for a few days, eventually realize that his vision was perfect, just perfect — When we put our heads together, we experience systergy, and can accomplish our dreams.

3. Recognize that our collaborators will not be good at what we're good at – If we choose someone for a project because they can do what we cannot do (design, photograph, paint), the almost certain corollary is that we will be good at things they aren't.

It was not too long ago that I believed that if you couldn't spell you were dumb. Until. Until I discovered that there were some who thought I was dumb because I had (and have) a poor sense of direction (even after living in Manhattan for 10 years, when I came up out of the subway, and would begin to head east, you could be sure that I was heading west — a true contrarian indicator). Am I dumb? No. Are people that don't spell well dumb? No. We are just smart in different ways – and when we can harness ‘smart in different ways', we have the makings of a ‘dare to dream' team.

4. Give people their due in terms of compensation and credit — When our collaborators do good work, let's give them credit. Tell as many people as possible. Just because they don't ask for praise and/or compensation, doesn't mean they don't want or even need it. They may not know how to ask, or even what they are worth. What a gift we can give if we help our friends and co-workers to know their worth.

What ‘dare to dream' project are you working on or thinking of undertaking? Do you have a ‘dare to dream' team?

How are we helping our spouse/friends/colleagues with their dreams? Are we giving them enough information so that they can help us with ours?

To what extent are we as parents part of our children's ‘dare to dream' team? Do we collaborate with them? We can't really do vet them, but we can trust their strengths, and not micro-manage.

What about the people that are part of the ‘rearing our children' ‘dare to dream' team? Their teachers, coaches, nannies, friends' parents? Do we trust and appreciate them?

Are we adequately compensating people for the work that they are doing whether via money, barter (an exchange of goods or services)? And if they ask not to be paid, are we insisting — especially with women?

Related Posts:
A Hero of Support
Getting Gratitude
Asking for What We Want
Valuing What Women Do

The Myth of Psyche

According to psychologists Jean Shinoda Bolen and Robert Johnson, there are very few stories that describe the psychology of feminine, rather than masculine, development.

The myth of Psyche is one of them.

Psyche is a mortal woman who wants to find her estranged husband, Eros, God of Love and son of Aphrodite. Aphrodite, whose jealous fit led to their meeting and falling in love in the first place, holds the key to their being reunited: it often happens that whatever has wounded us is instrumental in our healing.

To become who she is – to accomplish all that she is meant to – Psyche needs to not only love and nurture and care and connect, she also must learn to sort through and prioritize her possibilities, obtain power without selling her soul, keep her eyes on her prize, and say no.

May I now share with you Mallika Sundaramurthy‘s original Myth of Psyche illustrations?

Task 1:  Sort the seedsSift through and prioritize possibilities

Task 2:  Gather the fleeceGet things done

Task 3:  Fill the flaskAccomplish a goal

Task 4:  Fill a box with beauty ointmentLearn to say no

Which of these four tasks is most difficult for you?

What can we learn from the men in our lives as we complete our hero's journey?

What can men learn from us?

If you think these images are as wonderful as I do, please take a moment to let Mallika know.  She may even be willing to sell a print to you  — I know I'm going to want one.

All images are copyright by Mallika Sundaramurthy and Whitney Johnson, 2008. 

P.S.  Mallika is the artist who designed my pOstcard for the Oprah contest last year.  It's fabulous, isn't it?

Related posts:
Stories We Love and Live By – The Myth of Psyche
A Hero's Journey
Psyche and Choice
Learning to Say No
The Galadriel Test

Dare to Dreamgirl: Margaret Woolley Busse

Margaret Woolley Busse is the newest ‘dare to dreamgirl'.

Margaret's been thinking about starting a blog for some months now, a blog in which she examines how public policy affects our everyday lives, and which by the way, she is eminently qualified to do.

And now she has.

In her post titled “The Meaning of 9%”, Margaret leads off with “Nine percent.  Usually an insignificant amount…But when 9% represents the
percentage of registered voters who voted in a recent annual town election,

[and who are thus] determining the course of government in the town”, 9% is no longer insignificant.

Thought-provoking stuff.


Within the context of ‘dare to dream' there are many reasons to say Atta Girl!, but I'll focus on two:

1)  Margaret has made a choice (a difficult choice given that she has an MBA from Harvard) to be a full-time mother to her three young children.  In honoring her decision, she reminds each of us to acknowledge and affirm our own decisions.

2)  Even as Margaret honors her decision to mother full-time, she recognizes the importance of dreaming, of attending to herself — which she is doing by carving out time to craft her blog, to formulate her thoughts on policy and politics.

It won't be easy.

In his book The Power of a Positive No, William Ury describes what she's doing as learning to “marry the two most fundamental words in our language: Yes and No.  Yes is the key word of connection (deciding to mother full-time).  No the key word of protection (of identity or self)…The secret to standing up for yourself and what you need without destroying precious relationships is to marry the two.”

Please do take a moment to visit Margaret's blog, read what she's written, and to leave a comment telling her Atta Girl!


Related posts:

Psyche's 4th task: Learn to Say No
Pew Research Center's Mothers Prefer Full-Time Work
Psyche and Choice
Belle Liang: Making Meaning in Malawi
Doorsteps, Doors and Dreams

Tell Your Soundtrack Story: Career, Motherhood and 9/11

In his book This is Your Brain on Music, Daniel Levitin, a rocker-turned neuroscientist, explores the connection between music and our brain, providing some interesting insights on why we love the music we do.

In particular, Levitin helped me understand why Stevie Wonder, who made his way on to my soundtrack as a pre-teen, was still on my soundtrack during my 30s, the decade of launching a career and learning to mother.

He writes, “teenage years are emotionally charged years of self-discovery. Because of the emotional component of these years, our amygdala (the seat of emotion in our brain) and neurotransmitters (transmitters of information from the brain to other parts of the body) act in concert to ‘tag' these musical memories as something important.”

What kinds of music and which artists did you love as a teenager? Now in your 20s, 30's, 40s, 50's, or 60s, do you listen to similar music?

SOUNDTRACK STORY: Career, Motherhood & 9/11

Isn't She Lovely — Stevie Wonder composed ‘Isn't She Lovely' when his daughter Aisha was born. I loved listening to this song as a teenager, cradling my newborns to it as an adult. It is a song that gave utterance for me — and no doubt millions — the importance of connectedness and caring.

Smooth — Definitely the ‘imagine and explore' song in the mix. Not surprisingly this yearning plays out for me via Latin music.

Fragile — Having read Levitin's work, it's fascinating to me that the Police who were so popular during my relatively carefree college days, could capture the sadness, the grief at innocence lost on 9/11. Gratefully, I wasn't in my World Financial Center office to witness the horror firsthand, but I needed (as we all did) to eventually grieve. It was in a taxi, on my way into Manhattan, listening to Sting's Fragile, some weeks later, when I finally cried.

Diggin' Your Scene — Smashmouth's ode to the fictional Sydney Bristow on Alias. As Psyche would have acknowledged, Sydney was about connecting and caring AND daring and dreaming. As a 30-something trying to marry these two, Sydney Bristow was my archetypal gal. Smashmouth says it all.

For those of you who want to explore musical intelligence (as defined by Howard Gardner), you will no doubt find Levitin's book interesting. Levitin also observes that if you want to be a great musician, or great at anything for that matter, practice — not talent — makes for virtuosos.

If you'd like to test Levitin's premise that we hardwire our musical preference as teenagers, check out www.pandora.com, a music genome project, which allows you to specify a song you like, and via the matching of that song's DNA to the DNA of other songs, make recommendations. For example, knowing of my fondness for Stevie Wonder, I wasn't surprised that I instantly liked the Brand New Heavies.

Related posts:
Tell Your Soundtrack Story: Pre-Teen – Stevie Wonder On the Scene
Seeing With New Eyes
Tell Your Soundtrack Story: High School, Cheerleading and Finding True Love
What I've Learned by Identifying My Heroes
Asking and Answering the Big Questions

Amy Sorensen | A is for Amy’s Choice – Full-Time Mothering

After reading my post about Stephenie Meyer's Twilight Series, Amy Sorensen and I exchanged several e-mails in which Amy shared that her dream right now is to do precisely what she's chosen to do: be a full-time mother. She shares her story below:

Almost a month ago Whitney asked me to guest blog and in the midst of the holidays I put it off and then after the big holiday push my grandfather died and I flew to Boise to celebrate his passing with my parents, aunts and uncles and cousins I haven'€™t seen in forever. It truly was a beautiful celebration, my grandfather was 95 years old and ready to die. We laughed over stories about his garden and the menacing squirrels and it was nice to be with family.

Amy's twin Chris, photo courtesy of Amy Sorensen

It has taken me several weeks to figure out what to say here and how to say it. Whitney asked if I would tell a little about myself and my dream journey. I grew up in Las Vegas, NV, finished my degree in communication studies from UNLV and met my husband, an officer in the Air Force, by the time I was twenty-five. We both wanted a family so shortly after we were married I found out I was pregnant. I was excited and scared and nervous. I was a journalist and publicist for a small publishing company in Vegas and I was worried about what I knew I would do next. I knew that I would leave the professional world behind and become a mom. I knew it would be hard, and it is. I am a dirty and tired mommy most days; I'€™m a taxi driver and a librarian and a teacher. I was a military wife and now I am a student wife with my husband working on his masters. I play and have played so many roles.

When I started reading Whitney's blog I thought what is my big dream? Was my big dream to be a journalist and did I let that slip by? I am a dreamer by nature, I like to think of all the things I could do, all the avenues I could take. I could do so many things. And as I have thought about this precious gift of life I have been given I realized that I am already living my big dream. For me the big dream is to have children who are mostly well adjusted, happy and successful. I want a relationship with my husband that will last and that we will enjoy being together even after 50 years of marriage. For me the best way to achieve these goals is to be at home. I can do whatever I want. I choose this dream; this is the most important thing for me right now.

I could be that writer and I do photography as a paid hobby, Thanks Whitney for encouraging me to have multiple dreams and to follow them. I started a blog and I have started a small business taking family pictures and shooting special events. But even in working with my photography I am still the mom, and the most important thing to me is to be the mom.

Amy's children, photo courtesy of Amy Sorensen

With the military we have moved from Las Vegas to Southern Georgia to Central Massachusetts and back west to Utah to attend school. And I am the constant in my children'€™s life and I enjoy being that. I figure someday I'll get the opportunity to go to New York and work at a magazine and someday I'll get to go on photo shoots to remote locations and spend hours just taking pictures. But right now I am living my first dream to be the mother of my children.

Please do take a moment to re-read the Pew Research Center post which I've flagged below. Why do you think we don't do a better job of acknowledging and affirming our own decisions as well as those of others?

Do you see in Amy's decision a hero's journey as outlined by Psyche? Especially Psyche's first task — the sorting of the seeds?

Have you noticed how Amy is already harnessing her passion for photography in service of her feminine impulse to connect and collaborate?

Related posts:
Pew Research Center's “Fewer Mothers Prefer Full-Time Work”
Mothering Matters
Psyche's 1st Task – Sort the Seeds
It Takes Courage to Tell Our Stories
Lily Liang: iPhone iNeed?

A Down Payment on Our Dream

Every time you spend money, you're casting a vote for the kind of world you want. Anna Lappe, O Magazine, June 2003

Have you ever heard Charles Dickens‘ aphorism, “Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure nineteen nineteen and six, result happiness. Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure twenty pounds ought and six, result misery.”

Pithy.  Earn money.  Spend less than we earn.  I couldn't agree more.

But there's so much more to be said about money.

Like ‘annual expenditure nineteen nineteen and six' — on what?  And why?

In other words, once we've exceeded this basic hurdle of money management (spending less than we earn), then what?

For instance, how do we spend our money?  Doesn't how we spend mirror how we see the world, reflecting back to us if there's a place for our dream?

Source:  istockphoto

For example, when we spend money to house, feed, clothe, educate — and play with — our children, aren't we making a down payment on their happiness, their ‘who they are', and on a close-knit family?

What about money spent on savings and investment?  Maybe we are spending now so we can feel secure in the event of a rainy day.  Perhaps we want a world in which our children go to college.  And maybe we want the financial wherewithal to give back.

As we participate in philanthropic pursuits, like the Snow Leopard Trust as my daughter does, aren't we casting a vote for a world where we take care of our own, even as everyone is our own?  If we tithe, are we not spending for a world where God matters?

There are so many great ways to spend our money, but I do wonder Is there any room in our budget, any money at all, for a world in which our dream has a place?

Perhaps, we feel we don't have the money (or time, or permission) to put toward our dream.  Happily, Psyche didn't need to shear the rams and then obtain all of their fleece, she needed a just bit of fleece that the ram's had perchance rubbed off on the brambles in order to complete her hero's journey.

Just a little bit of fleece, a little bit of time, a little bit of money, to make a down payment on our dream.

If you do a quick rundown of what you spend each month, how much do you spend on your children's dreams?  Or your dreams for your children and/or spouse?  Friends?  The world?  Yours?

What else can Psyche's journey teach us about making a down payment on our dreams?

How can we harness Charles Dickens' advice on behalf of following the advice of Anna Lappe?

Related posts:
Psyche and Choice
Valuing What Women Do
Systergy in St. Louis
A Philanthropic Hero's Journey:  Luanne Zurlo
Of Corvettes and Porsches

Doorsteps, Doors and Dreams

“You're leaving again Mom. You're never here,” said my 11 year-old David, as I was walking out the door to the March of Dimes benefit that my friend Jane was emceeing.

My hair was done, make-up on, clothing donned, but I asked anyway:

“Do you want me to stay David?”

“You won't Mom, so I won't ask.”

“Are you sure?”

“Go mom.”

I got in the car, immediately called my husband who supplied characteristically good advice, “Trust your gut”, I turned the car around.

Walking in the door, changing into my pajamas, watching TV together, having David know that I'd put him first, and MY knowing that I'd put him first….

Lovely Jane understood.


Several weeks later, one of my mentors encouraged me to bring my children along as I ‘dare to dream' and ‘know my neighbor', or as my children call it ‘dare to know your neighbor.' Because he gave me several pieces of advice, many of which I quite preferred, ‘bring your children along', was noted, and forgotten.

Until one of my girlfriends gave me the same advice.

Three times in three weeks. Three different people.


Is it possible that even as I attend to my children's emotional well-being at a basic level (probably better than basic), I'm excluding them from a large piece of myself, and in effect, leaving them on the doorstep of my dreams?

Courtesy of Tomaz Levstek via iStockphoto

Were I to include them more — what would happen?

It had crossed my mind to take David to the March of Dimes benefit. Too young. He won't want to go. Too much work for me. And 11 is probably too young. But next year?

When I asked him if he would come to something like this, his answer was yes.

By taking David, we'd spend time together, I'd get to see him in a tuxedo AND we could support both Jane and The March of Dimes.

Opening the door to our children's dreams, even as we open the door to ours.

An elegant, both/and solution; Psyche would no doubt be approve.


As we involve and engage our children in the dreaming process, they will definitely learn from us (some good, some bad), but what can we learn from them? How do their strengths help us?

When have you involved your children in your dream, whether planning or executing, or both?

How did you feel? How did they?

Related posts:
Children and the Call to Adventure
Parenting and the Hero's Journey
Psyche's 4th Task: Learn to Say No


Why We Are Skeptical of Hillary Clinton

When I read Katharine Seelye's NY Times article titled, Women Supportive of Clinton, But Skeptical, I found myself wondering….


Why do so many want to want to vote for Hillary Clinton, but won't?

Is it a question of competence?

Most would agree she's quite capable. So — No.

Is it because we don't agree with her politics?

Within a few seconds, I rattled off the names of several women for whom I would vote despite our differing political views. So again — No.

If it's neither a question of competence, nor of political views, then why are we skeptical?


1) We don't identify with Senator Clinton's hero's journey — As with Katie Couric, there's an archetypal mismatch, though for an entirely different reason.

While we don't doubt that Senator Clinton can successfully take on Psyche's four overwhelmingly difficult tasks, it feels like she's taking on the adventure for herself, not for us. That she's ready and willing to do some genuine head-butting, rather than to wait and pick up the fleece off the fence once the rams have gone home. In other words, she seems to want power, not for us, but for her. That's not the female hero's journey that resonates with us, so we can't quite get comfortable.

Ok, she's not perfect, but isn't there a double standard here?


Most of us feel quite comfortable if men are ambitious and even a little bit ‘naughty' — after all, ‘boys will be boys' (remember Arnold Schwarzenegger smoking his cigar in the tent near his office), but with women….

2) We want a fairy godmother — The Princess Diaries, provides a great look at this archetype. The film stars Julie Andrews as Queen Clarisse (for anyone over the age of 40, she is the practically perfect fairy godmother Mary Poppins) preparing her granddaughter Princess Mia, played by Anne Hathaway, to ascend to the throne of the imaginary kingdom Genovia.


Princess Mia is qualified to be a princess because she's “bright, sensitive and caring,” says Queen Clarisse. (Imagine Senator Clinton, let alone the male presidential candidates, described as such!) Further reinforcing the fairy godmother archetype, Queen Clarisse sings to Princess Mia:

When they tell your story,
They'll call your heart of gold your crowning glory,
The most glorious part of you

In other words, inscribed in our minds and in our hearts, is the view that a woman who leads us must be smart and capable, and most especially good and kind.

That her hero's journey, no matter how difficult, is ultimately undertaken on our behalf.

And that whether Princess Mia, Mary Poppins, or Psyche — she'll be our fairy godmother.

If you are comfortable with Hillary Clinton, what are your thoughts on archetypes? Is there one that fits?

There was an interesting article in the Australian papers not too long ago titled When one man's ambition is another woman's evil curse, comparing and contrasting how people respond to ambition in women versus men.

Given how beloved Bill Clinton is, and what I understand to be an uncanny ability to make people feel that it is all about them, could he be the key to her winning?

What are your thoughts on other presidential candidates? Which archetypes are working for or against them?

P.S. Maureen Dowd of the New York Times published an Op-Ed piece (Oct 31 2007) titled Hilary La Francaise, Cherchez la Femme? which certainly underscores the comments (see below) made by Margaret Busse and Elizabeth Harmer-Dionne. Also interesting to read Ms. Dowd's comment, “Maybe the qualities that many find off-putting in Hillary — her opportunism, her triangulation, her ethical corner-cutting, her shifting convictions from pro-war to anti-war, her secrecy, her ruthlessness — are the same ones that make people willing to vote for a woman.” May this not be true.

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